12 Tips for This Year's Holiday Season

Do you have mixed feelings about the holiday season? As we get ready for Thanksgiving, our calendars (and all the stores) tell us the holidays are indeed upon us. Tradition says this is a joyful period full of gratitude, family, hope, and celebration.

But how do you navigate this time of year when part of you doesn’t feel like celebrating? Some of us have lost (or are losing) loved ones; some are getting divorced; some are worried about illness or financial security. And some of us are trying to cope with the sense that life isn't turning out the way we thought it would.

You may know you need to work on accepting this new reality, but holiday time adds another layer to the loss. This extra layer includes expectations. We’re “supposed” to be happy and ready to party this time of year! TV commercials and sitcoms show us incredibly happy people enjoying their holidays; workplaces and homes are decorated and music reminds us to be of good cheer.

It makes sense to feel disconnected from joy during times of loss. Depending on what’s going on in your life you might feel left out, alone, and unable to join in the revelry; like having an invisible disability that no one truly understands.

You are not alone in having these mixed feelings. Here are some strategies for coping and even thriving throughout the holiday season.

Try some of these approaches to make holiday time more comfortable:

1. Alternate focusing on your loss and thinking about moving forward.This is part of the healing process. Pay alternating attention to the loss itself and to how you’re moving through it.
2. Decide what’s doable for you this year and stick to it. Figure out how you can realistically participate, remembering there’s always next year. You don’t have to say yes to everything. Make an overall plan, communicate it, and follow it.
3. Identify a support person to attend functions with. When you do decide to participate in an event, a spouse/partner, family member, or close friend beside you can help you relax. You can choose a different person for each occasion, or have the same companion throughout the season. Either way, an understanding confidante is always near. You might even agree on a signal that means “get me out of here” if you start to feel overwhelmed.
4. Spend time with people you love and feel connected to. Your family’s cozy Thanksgiving dinner might feel okay but the big office holiday party may not. Honor your feelings, knowing that this is the time to surround yourself with love.
5. Find a personal meaning for each holiday or event you attend. Maybe it’s a spiritual meaning or perhaps it’s a connection to someone important. Choosing a special significance can boost your resilience
6. Keep a gratitude list…include small things and information from your 5 senses (i.e., "I'm so grateful for the smell of cinnamon right now.") There’s no doubt about it – expressing gratitude makes us feel better. Start or end your day noting three things you’re grateful for.
7. Recognize when “faking it” is useful and when it’s not. Look in the mirror and smile, even if you don’t feel happy. See if you can sustain the smile for 2 minutes. Feel better? You get to decide if acting sociable can help you through a holiday gathering or not.
8. Exercise regularly. Move your body to stay energized and calm. Find activities you like or that you can motivate yourself to do consistently. Research shows exercise lifts mood and relieves anxiety.
9. Get plenty of rest. Challenging circumstances can drain our energy. Try to establish a healthy sleep cycle and allow for down time in the weeks ahead. Replenish.
10. Help someone else. One of the best ways to get out of your own sorrow is to serve others. This is the perfect time of year to make a positive difference in someone else’s life, so find an activity that fits your values.
11. Learn something new. This jump-starts your thinking and your creativity. Take a class or ask a friend to teach you something, or research a project or idea. Just make sure it’s interesting and enjoyable.
12. Watch alcohol intake…it’s a depressant. Although alcohol does loosen inhibitions, it does not elevate mood. If you choose to have that holiday cocktail, remember that moderation is key.

I hope the upcoming holiday season is meaningful and enjoyable for you. Please comment with additional tips or thoughts about navigating your holidays.

Wishing you peace and healing,
Ruth

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