Healthy Ways to Take a Break from Stress

Sometimes facing the anguish of loss (any kind of loss) can make you feel like you’re losing your mind. It can be hard to concentrate, do everyday tasks, or manage overwhelming feelings.

Any sort of unwelcome change -- losing a loved one, health challenges, divorce, financial problems -- usually involves some type of loss. And so we embark on a journey of grieving whether we realize it or not.

I'm here to say that it’s okay to take breaks from distress.

Not only is it okay; it's actually helpful. I don't mean living in denial, as it's important to inhabit reality and to face feelings. What I have learned is that taking occasional breaks from pain can actually help us tolerate it better over time.
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Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers several strategies for distracting ourselves from distress, using the acronym DISTRACT. I have adapted these skills for those who are grieving various losses. Try as many as you can and note which ones work for you (these are very individual so remember there is no right or wrong). Regular practice will make your favorites become second nature and available whenever you need them.

• Do something else, to feel something different. Watch a movie, go for a walk, play a game or sport, garden go shopping, do a hobby. Volunteer your time at an organization meaningful to you, help a friend with a project or childcare, do something nice for someone. Do anything you enjoy that you can really get involved in.

• Images of something different can create different feelings. Imagine something else that doesn’t remind you of your pain. Bring comforting and soothing images to mind. What you think about, remember, and imagine causes you to feel it in the moment, so focus on something that makes you feel good. Think about what can go right and is pleasant. Remember that what fills our minds fuels our emotions.

• Sensations can distract you from your current pain. Use your five senses: seeing, hearing, tasting, touching, and smelling. Some people add laughing and loving. Look for and create situations in which you can engage your senses to feel differently. For example, look at the most beautiful painting or photo you can find, listen to your favorite uplifting music, taste delicious flavors, use an ice pack to feel intense cold or take a hot bath, and inhale the fragrance of your favorite perfume or cookies baking in the oven.

• Think of something else that creates other feelings. You can do this through reading, watching videos, or just thinking about something that takes you away from your loss. Try something funny, fascinating or creatively engrossing like crossword puzzles, Words with Friends, or writing a poem.

• Remember other memories than those that cause your current pain. Call up your favorite happy memories and revel in the joy they bring. I found it comforting to remember pleasant times before my son was born. It reminded me that I am capable of joy even without his physical presence.

• Accept that pain is a part of life; you can take it. None of us gets through life without loss. I wondered how other people have coped with losing their children, and I began researching their stories. I realized I’m a member of a large club no one wants to join, and that belonging to this group is neither exclusive nor special. It can happen to anyone, anywhere and somehow we all find ways of going on.

• Take an alternative approach; behave differently than how your feelings tell you to behave. Even though you feel like lying on the couch, take your dog for a walk. Even though you want to isolate and stay home, meet a friend for lunch or book a spa day. Many typical activities seem daunting through the agony of loss; allowing yourself a little of these can be healing.

Distracting yourself from the discomfort of grief is meant to be temporary respite. Use the strategies that work for you, always returning to the undeniable reality of what is. And don't forget to ask for help when you need it.